Hope everyone had a great Mother's day! Craig and Chloe made me breakfast Sunday morning. Although, as I write this, I am looking over my shoulder at the pans on the stove used to make my breakfast that day. *sigh* A mother's work is never done!! We had a good day though. Craig bought me some very pretty roses and a beautiful card, and Chloe and Koben made me a card and each gave me a Starbucks gift card. We spent the day working in the yard, which wore us all out, but it sure looks better. Sunday night, Bryan and Dee invited us over for a bbq. All in all, it was a very good day. Yesterday my boss and I took a pressure washer to our walk in cooler, the floors in the kitchen, hallway, and store room, and our bun pan racks in the kitchen. Spring cleaning at it's finest. Between that and the yardwork, I am feeling very old today! Tiiiiiired. Mom is coming over tonight. I haven't decided if I am feeling up to cooking, or if it is a Papa Murphy's day!
Must go clean that kitchen, and do some laundry, and clean some floors..........ugh. =)
Tuesday, May 12, 2009
Sunday, May 3, 2009
It's May!
I can hardly believe that it is May. Where does the time go? Chloe will be 10 in just a few short weeks. It seems like she was just born yesterday......
Chloe has taken the death of my father pretty hard. It's not something you notice all day, every day, but the signs are there. After all, she is a kid, and they do not stay down for long, but, I know she isn't sleeping or eating as much. She has been acting out a little at school, which is TOTALLY unlike her. I've never even spoken to the principal at her school until this week. She's never been in trouble. She wasn't very nice to a little boy on the playground, who is actually her friend. Although, he did call her an idiot and a retard, so Chloe kicked him. Twice. Whoops. She said she was just so angry. Poor little bit. I think she is very stressed out, and that threw her over the edge. She has spoken to the counselor a couple times, and she says it helps her to feel better, so I am glad. she has been wearing a necklace of my dads every day since mom gave it to her. We are all sad, so it makes it hard on all of us. Koben doesn't understand, so he asks for him every time we go over there. That is hard. There is just a lot of things that remind us of him daily, but I think that is a good thing. Classic cars, motorcycles, anything really, reminds us of dad. We are all healing though, and grateful that dad is no longer hurting. That was probably the hardest part for me, knowing he was in so much pain. My aunt went in for her white cell treatment yesterday. I can't go and see her, because it seems like someone in our house is always sick, and I do not want her to get ill. So, I've been calling her and sending cards, and I will send her flowers this week, but I still feel a massive amount of guilt. I really should be over there helping to care for her, but I'm having a hard time doing it. I can't afford to miss any work. It is just not possible. I missed a bit because of dad, and I don't have paid days off. So, I feel bad, because my free time is so limited, because of my own family, and mom. She does have friends and family caring for her, who do not have small children, so the risk of illness is not as great. But, I still feel bad. She never had any children. I always told her when I was a kid that I would take care of her when she was older, and here I am, struggling with my own grief, trying to take care of my husband, my kids, and myself. Hopefully I will be able to do something for her soon.
I didn't want my entry to be depressing, but, alas........jeesh! I truly am doing ok. Not good, but ok. I still smile and laugh every day, but every day I also realize again that dad isn't coming back, and then I cry, and then I stop crying and move on. That's the way he would want it, I'm sure.
Chloe has taken the death of my father pretty hard. It's not something you notice all day, every day, but the signs are there. After all, she is a kid, and they do not stay down for long, but, I know she isn't sleeping or eating as much. She has been acting out a little at school, which is TOTALLY unlike her. I've never even spoken to the principal at her school until this week. She's never been in trouble. She wasn't very nice to a little boy on the playground, who is actually her friend. Although, he did call her an idiot and a retard, so Chloe kicked him. Twice. Whoops. She said she was just so angry. Poor little bit. I think she is very stressed out, and that threw her over the edge. She has spoken to the counselor a couple times, and she says it helps her to feel better, so I am glad. she has been wearing a necklace of my dads every day since mom gave it to her. We are all sad, so it makes it hard on all of us. Koben doesn't understand, so he asks for him every time we go over there. That is hard. There is just a lot of things that remind us of him daily, but I think that is a good thing. Classic cars, motorcycles, anything really, reminds us of dad. We are all healing though, and grateful that dad is no longer hurting. That was probably the hardest part for me, knowing he was in so much pain. My aunt went in for her white cell treatment yesterday. I can't go and see her, because it seems like someone in our house is always sick, and I do not want her to get ill. So, I've been calling her and sending cards, and I will send her flowers this week, but I still feel a massive amount of guilt. I really should be over there helping to care for her, but I'm having a hard time doing it. I can't afford to miss any work. It is just not possible. I missed a bit because of dad, and I don't have paid days off. So, I feel bad, because my free time is so limited, because of my own family, and mom. She does have friends and family caring for her, who do not have small children, so the risk of illness is not as great. But, I still feel bad. She never had any children. I always told her when I was a kid that I would take care of her when she was older, and here I am, struggling with my own grief, trying to take care of my husband, my kids, and myself. Hopefully I will be able to do something for her soon.
I didn't want my entry to be depressing, but, alas........jeesh! I truly am doing ok. Not good, but ok. I still smile and laugh every day, but every day I also realize again that dad isn't coming back, and then I cry, and then I stop crying and move on. That's the way he would want it, I'm sure.
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