Merry Christmas!

Yet again, another year has gone by. It always amazes me how quickly time goes by. This was not a good year in our house. Oh yes, it had good moments, and there were still smiles and laughter, but I just felt like this year was a trial for us. One of those years where the saying "what does not kill you only makes you stronger" really mean something in our house. We will be missing dad this year, no doubt about it. I've accepted his passing, sure, but it still makes me sad. I feel though that all the positive feelings I have, are directing from him, so that sure helps make it through the day. I feel that the older I get, the more I understand that I have no control in this world, and death is a fact of life. One that we all must accept, but one that we don't really think about when we are young, or when we have not had to experience something like that.

Tonight I am cooking dinner for my side of the family. Mom and Bryan and Dee and the kids, and also my aunt and uncle, and Nellie and Ray. Can't compute exactly how they are related, I'm never good at that. But Nellie is my Grandmas niece, and Raymond is her son. Confusing to me, especially since Nellie is almost 91, and my Grandma would be in her upper 80's if she were alive. Soooo, my grandmas niece would be older than her. Funny, huh? My grandma was towards the end of the 14 or so kids her family had, and Nellie is the daughter of my grandmas oldest brother, and she is one of the oldest of 14 or so in her family too, I believe. Very confusing, and a lot of kids, and a lot of people I have never met!! So, I am cooking for them. My aunt is the one that is battling breast cancer. She is my fathers only sibling. She is in month 9 of her chemo, and the second month of her radiation. She is battling fatigue, and the 3rd degree burns on her body that radiation causes, but she only has a week and a half left, so she feels she can make it. If she's made it this far, I have hopes she can make it another couple weeks! She continues chemo until March. Her Doctor would like her to do an additional year of chemo beyond that time. They feel that it greatly improves their chances for a longer life. I haven't heard yet if she has decided to do it. At this point, her chemo is not so severe, so she feels like she should be able to handle it ok, and still work at the same time. However, she does adult foster care, and that is a highly physically taxing job, expecially if her patients are bed ridden, so I hope everything works for her. This is the first time she has spent Christmas eve with us. Usually we go over to her house on Christmas day, but of course, there is no way she is strong enough to handle that, and no way we would ever expect her to, so I invited them over, and since Nellie and Ray spend Christmas day with them also, I decided to invite them too! I don't ever like the fact of someone not having someone to spend the holiday with, especially when it is family. Tomorrow we will take dinner over to my aunts, and have a meal with them. It may come from Shari's, but it's the thought that counts, right? I didn't feel like going over and making a mess of her kitchen on Christmas day, and this way, no one has to cook, or clean! I've had enough of that for awhile! =) Thankfully I can prepare my food for my holiday parties at work, and then bring it home. The kitchen there is much more useful and easy to clean, and I get paid while I'm doing it. Bonus! So really, all my food is done, except for some last minute things, and putting everything into the oven. Convenient! Tomorrow morning we will be going over to Craig's parents for breakfast, like we do every year. Mmmmm, cinnamon rolls!

I hope everyone has a Very Merry Christmas! More to report in the New Year!

Has it really been two months since my last post? Jeesh. My computer was acting up horribly. It wouldn't even turn on for awhile. So, I started using Chloe's laptop, and then it started acting up. So we took it in, but left mine at home, and hers had a thousand viruses in it. Can you believe it? Wow. Then one day I turn mine on, and it works, so I use it for a few weeks, and then one day it doesn't work. So I beg my husband to please take it in to work and give to the computer guy that they keep on retainer. So, he goes to unhook it, and he tells me it was not plugged in. (this is after he completely unhooks it) I know darn well it was plugged in, because when you turn it on, it would whiz and make noise, but it would never completely come up, plus the light was on, and I had to hold down the power button to get it to shut off. So of course it was plugged in. But, he swears it isn't. So he plugs it in, and turns it on, and sure enough, it comes up. So, of course he gloats, because that is what some men do. However, the next morning, I go to turn it on......Nothing. HA!!!! It was too plugged in! Finally, he had to concede that I was correct, and there was something wrong with it. Aaahhh, sweet victory. I love my man, but boy can he be stubborn, and when he is arguing a point, you might as well just walk away, because you aren't going to win, EVEN when you can prove him WRONG! I really just don't understand why he was not on the debate team! Oh yes, it is because he is horribly shy! But, finally I get my computer back, and although it is deciding to run a little slower, I will take it. =)

Not too much has happened in the last couple months. We finally got the diagnosis back on Koben. Alas, yes it is Autism, as we all had suspected. They took him out of his morning preschool class, with 14 kids, and put him into the afternoon class with just 5. Hopefully it will be better for him, and he will get some more one on one attention. He has been a struggle the last few weeks. Everything has been such a struggle for him, and I am emotionally exhausted. Transitions are soooo difficult for him. It could be as small as him washing his hands, and when you want him to turn off the water and dry his hands.....complete meltdown. Meal times evoke a meltdown. He wants to eat what he wants, when he wants it. Everything seems to strike up a tantrum right now. Something we have not dealt too heavily with in the last five years. Sure, he would protest a little with some things, but not high pitched screaming. Ugh.....it makes me so tired. Koben has gone thru stage after stage after stage in the last five years, and I am hoping and praying that this is a form of a stage, and it will get a little easier, the transitioning, at least. We will see. Some days are really good, and some are really bad. It is very hard on me, just emotionally, from a mommy point of view. I see this handsome, sweet, smart kid, who really just can't concentrate on anything around him, because he is constantly feeling overstimulated with his surroundings. I am hoping the new preschool time will help him. He has a fabulous preschool teacher who is trained to work with kids like Koben, and she adores him, so I am confident something good will come with it. We all just want our kids to be healthy, and happy, and to succeed, and be well rounded, functioning members of society. Really, all I ask is that he succeeds in school, and it doesn't drown him, and that he is not drowned by the system. I've got my fingers crossed.

Chloe is doing well, school is good. She is enjoying her afterschool program, SOAR. She had her braces put on last week, and is adjusting. They had to pull 7 teeth out of her mouth, so really, her biggest challenge right now is chewing, not the braces. She has her four front teeth on top and bottom, and her very back molar on top and bottom. That is it. 12 lousy teeth. Hopefully they grow in fast. However, the whole reason they needed to be pulled is that her teeth grow so slowly, and her baby teeth refuse to come out. In the end, she will be rewarded with a beautiful smile to go with her beautiful face. I'm excited for her.

More later!

Random bits and pieces

Chloe's first day of 5th grade. She is gowing so fast.

Koben learned on this camping trip that he loves cocoa. Now everytime we go to Starbucks, I hear "me have chocolate milk?"

Craig chillin'

Home Sweet Home

Empty field behind us. Nice campground. I didn't feel like I was surrounded.

Miss Sassy Pants

We just turned off the road, because the sign looked interesting. Called the Rogue river canyon, or gorge, or something. I forgot. Supposed to be the smallest gorge, or some darn thing. Really, I should pay better attention.

Was pretty impressive, the amount of water running through such a small space. And loud! Oh my Gosh!!!!! Best part was that it was at least 15 degrees cooler there.

Crater Lake. Still there, and still beautiful.

My cute little family

Not sure why I took such odd random pictures. It was SOOO hot that day. We were sitting in our chairs with our feet in a sterilite storage container of freezing water. The kids actually filled one up and used it as their mini pool, it was so hot. Chloe made me promise not to put up those pictures. But I have them on my phone. hehe =)

Some random game Koben and Chloe were playing with a rope. Not sure what it was, but they had fun and it passed the time.

Koben rigging his end up to the water jug. He loves to build things. Give the kid a rope, a blanket, and some plastic piping, and he'll build you a house. =)

He was so sad that day.

Boredom. The ultimate low for any kid.




That pretty much summed up our summer. I was so busy working, we didn't do much. Went to a couple fairs, took the kids camping, that sort of thing. Looking forward to fall, and the Holidays.

Is it almost fall already??

Busy, busy, busy, is what we've been here. I know that our sales are down on gowns, all of the bridal stores are quiet right now. Lots of girls are shopping on ebay or craigs list for their wedding gowns. We are selling, but not quite as much. Though, this is not the time of year for sales in that area anyway. By this time every girl should already have their gown, and should be getting married. The sales I'm doing right now are for the end of the year (really, those girls are shopping too late when it takes three months to get a dress) and for next spring. But, the catering!! Oh my gosh, that is huge right now. This summer was much, much larger than last summer!!! We are used to having a wedding or two per weekend, but 3 or 4??!!! Yikes!!! Crazy!! Craig is at one right now, as I write this. It's been super hectic, but the extra cash is nice. Pays for all these fairs we've been going to!! Last week was the Clackamas county fair, and tomorrow we are going to the state fair. Hectic, hectic. Chloe looooves to ride the rides, but at 4 bucks (really, are you kidding me? No, they are really 4 bucks) a ride, she is not allowed much. Plus, mommy does not like to stand with her for 2 hours while she rides the rides. We were lucky at the county fair, one of the carni guys liked my "Goonies" t-shirt, so she got 4 free scrambler rides. That made her day.

We've been home from vacation for a few weeks now. We went to Joseph stuart state park, which is between Medford, and Crater Lake. We had a nice time. It was the first camping trip of my life without mom and dad. It was a little weird at first. We were supposed to go with our best friends, Matt and Connie, and their three kids, but Matt's dad was terminally ill with brain cancer (he was diagnosed a week after dad) and he was approaching his end. Originally, in the spring, they had only given him a month to live, but he far surpassed that, and passed away on the first day of our vacation. Fortunately, they knew that the time was near, so they didn't even try to come with us. which was good. I didn't want them to drive all that way, and then have to turn around and go back. So, it was a very peaceful vacation, and we did have a nice time.

Mom is doing good. She tried to buy her new car a couple weeks ago with the cash for clunker deal. She took in the blazer. I called the dealership twice before we came, even the day before, to make sure they had the highlander that she wanted. The guy told me they had two. The next day when we get there, they only have one, and it is already sold. I was kinda frustrated. So, we sat there for three hours while they tried to locate a car for her, and filled out all the clunker paperwork. finally they tell us they found a car, and then they tell her she will still get the clunker deal, even though they do not have a car for her that day. There were no new cars on the lot at that dealership. I was kinda astounded. They had a few hybrids, and a camry or two, a few corollas, and a matrix, and I think one minivan, but that was it! Nothing else, except a few used toyotas. No pickups, no suv's. Nothing. so, mom fills out all her paperwork, gives them a deposit, and off we go, with the guy telling us she should get her car in a couple weeks. then they call her last friday, two days before the cash for clunker deal ends, and tell her that she can't turn in the clunker, because the deal is ending, and since they do not have her new car yet, they don't have a vin number for it, so she will have to pay an additional $4,500 for the truck. so, mother gets smart, and asks them why they don't have a vin number for it. If they have one coming in for her, they should have a number. Then the guy admits to her that they do not have a truck for her, they are building her one. Which when she told me that, I called BS on it. Why would they build an '09 highlander, when the '10's are due on the lot at any time? THEN the guy calls her on Monday, (the day after the clunker deal ends) and tells her, hey, we found a truck for you in Washington, do you want it? and she still has to pay 4,500 dollars more. Of course, ,mom tells them to go take a flying leap, and to send her back her deposit. Then he calls the next day, and takes another grand off of it. Mom still says no....gives him the price she is willing to pay, which basically is 10% off of the msrp price, and they won't take it! Crazy. Because of the cash for clunkers deal, and them not having any new cars on their lots, they are not dealing AT ALL!!! They are selling everything at msrp. So, even though she can't turn in her truck, they still would only take a couple grand off the highlander. I was floored. I have never, ever paid msrp for a vehicle!! So, mom yet again, told them to take a leap, and she is going to wait a few months, or until spring, and then buy a 2010. I just don't get it. They have to go clear up to seattle to even find a vehicle for her, because there are hardly any here in Oregon (she wanted a specific color) and in the end, they aren't even willing to knock another 2 grand off, so they can make a deal?They aren't selling suv's right now. Especially not high end limited ones with all the bells and whistles like she was getting. Crazzzzzzy, I'm telling ya!! I give them a week. I bet they call back!!

Well, my hand is tired, so I am giving it up for the night. My computer died on me, and Craig has yet to haul it to work to have the comp geek look at it, so I am using Chloe's laptop, and it is just very different from my computer! Hope all is well with whoever reads this! Hopefully I will have more time now that school is about to start, and things will be slowing down around here. Well, as slow as they get at our house. I have massive amounts of yard work to catch up on, Craig and I are still finishing the moulding and trim painting in the house, and we finally bought the lumber for the front porch, so Craig needs to get that done before winter so the wood doesn't go bad, but hey, it's just another day at the Tonsager house!!!!!

Finally!!! An update

For those of you on facebook, you will probably have already seen these photos. I put them up about a month ago. But, for those of you who don't have time to burn, here's a summary of our summer so far. =)

Koben dean, being a silly boy. I have a hard time getting photos of him. He always wants to be right up on the camera, or behind it.

Kaitlyn, Chloe, and Koben, being goobers.


Mom's beautiful yard, of course.


No, mine does not look like this. Not even close.

Chloe, Kaitlyn and Lewi's 10th birthday party.

This is the cake I made for Chloe.

I'm still working on my writing on the cakes. We do mostly wedding cakes, not sheet cakes, so I don't have to attempt it too often.


Chloe, utterly humiliated by her mother by telling the nice ladies at Red Robin it was her birthday.

Chloe and my "other daughters" Courtney and Amanda.

Our dining room, after going from dark green to "potato." I need curtains in there, but don't know if I want valances, or sheer drapes. Anyone? Anyone? I totally love toille, and found some valances I love, but I am having a hard time making a commitment.

Koben chillin' on mom and dad's bed during Craig's birthday party.

Connie, the mother of my "other daughters" (and my best friend) cleaning my kitchen, even after I told her repeatedly to stop. So instead I took a picture of her backside.

As you can see, our living room has changed some in the last year.



My cutie pie.

Hangin in our living room. From left: Adrian, Rachel, Madison, Koben, Heather, and Matt.




Koben looooves Madison. He crawled up on the couch, and wanted to hold her, so we say "yes" and Koben plays with Madison. Only trouble is, Madison was looking next to her at her mommy, and when I told Koben to look at me and smile, he decided that meant Madison needed to also. So, he grabbed her by the neck and turned her towards me. Good thing Madison is a great little trooper!

Koben picked "flowers" for mommy. Good thing dandelions grow in abundance in our yard.







Other than that, not a whole lot is going on around here. Work has been pretty busy on my end. There is definitly a drop from last year, but I think that is to be expected. Craig's office has been pretty slow also, but we are both grateful that things are going as good as they are, and we have not had to make any financial cuts like so many others have.

Mom is doing good. She is getting some things sold around the property. She has all the cars for sale, and will be purchasing herself a new car so that she doesn't have to deal with trying to keep any of the old cars up. She sold the '55 Chevy already, and hopefully she will be able to sell the others soon so she can buy her Toyota. Mom has not had a brand new car of her own that was not a beetle or a pinto, (not that that is necessarily bad, just that it's been 25 years) so I'm pretty excited for her. She deserves it. She's been keeping herself pretty busy, especially with the grandkids around due to summer vacation. Personally, I think she can hardly wait until school starts. Mom looooves her peace and quiet, and she did say she was excited for some down time. I'm sure she does get lonely for dad, but I think she is embracing her new phase in life positively, and she is doing real well.

Hope everyone had a great Mother's day! Craig and Chloe made me breakfast Sunday morning. Although, as I write this, I am looking over my shoulder at the pans on the stove used to make my breakfast that day. *sigh* A mother's work is never done!! We had a good day though. Craig bought me some very pretty roses and a beautiful card, and Chloe and Koben made me a card and each gave me a Starbucks gift card. We spent the day working in the yard, which wore us all out, but it sure looks better. Sunday night, Bryan and Dee invited us over for a bbq. All in all, it was a very good day. Yesterday my boss and I took a pressure washer to our walk in cooler, the floors in the kitchen, hallway, and store room, and our bun pan racks in the kitchen. Spring cleaning at it's finest. Between that and the yardwork, I am feeling very old today! Tiiiiiired. Mom is coming over tonight. I haven't decided if I am feeling up to cooking, or if it is a Papa Murphy's day!

Must go clean that kitchen, and do some laundry, and clean some floors..........ugh. =)

It's May!

I can hardly believe that it is May. Where does the time go? Chloe will be 10 in just a few short weeks. It seems like she was just born yesterday......

Chloe has taken the death of my father pretty hard. It's not something you notice all day, every day, but the signs are there. After all, she is a kid, and they do not stay down for long, but, I know she isn't sleeping or eating as much. She has been acting out a little at school, which is TOTALLY unlike her. I've never even spoken to the principal at her school until this week. She's never been in trouble. She wasn't very nice to a little boy on the playground, who is actually her friend. Although, he did call her an idiot and a retard, so Chloe kicked him. Twice. Whoops. She said she was just so angry. Poor little bit. I think she is very stressed out, and that threw her over the edge. She has spoken to the counselor a couple times, and she says it helps her to feel better, so I am glad. she has been wearing a necklace of my dads every day since mom gave it to her. We are all sad, so it makes it hard on all of us. Koben doesn't understand, so he asks for him every time we go over there. That is hard. There is just a lot of things that remind us of him daily, but I think that is a good thing. Classic cars, motorcycles, anything really, reminds us of dad. We are all healing though, and grateful that dad is no longer hurting. That was probably the hardest part for me, knowing he was in so much pain. My aunt went in for her white cell treatment yesterday. I can't go and see her, because it seems like someone in our house is always sick, and I do not want her to get ill. So, I've been calling her and sending cards, and I will send her flowers this week, but I still feel a massive amount of guilt. I really should be over there helping to care for her, but I'm having a hard time doing it. I can't afford to miss any work. It is just not possible. I missed a bit because of dad, and I don't have paid days off. So, I feel bad, because my free time is so limited, because of my own family, and mom. She does have friends and family caring for her, who do not have small children, so the risk of illness is not as great. But, I still feel bad. She never had any children. I always told her when I was a kid that I would take care of her when she was older, and here I am, struggling with my own grief, trying to take care of my husband, my kids, and myself. Hopefully I will be able to do something for her soon.

I didn't want my entry to be depressing, but, alas........jeesh! I truly am doing ok. Not good, but ok. I still smile and laugh every day, but every day I also realize again that dad isn't coming back, and then I cry, and then I stop crying and move on. That's the way he would want it, I'm sure.

Chloe Sue helping me make pie. My first experience with pie making from scratch. I have to say I was quite happy with how it turned out. I have a little practicing to do with the crust, as it was a little thicker than I would like. But it was flaky and not at all tough. Yay for me!!

Koben playing with his "Gak" while we were baking.

Ok, so this picture is probably not in the best taste, but it was so sweet I had to take it. He had fallen asleep on the couch, and I had to get him to the potty so he didn't wet his pants while he was in bed, so I got the poor little groggy kid to the bathroom, and left him alone (as he prefers it) a little while later, I realized how quiet it was, and when I went back, this is what I found. Poor little guy! He did go potty though, and his pull up was dry the next morning. He cracks me up. Gives me a kink in the neck just thinking about it!